Anger has a way of tricking you. It makes you feel powerful, like you’re standing up for yourself, taking control. It convinces you that your outburst is not only justified but necessary. It whispers, “You’re not being unreasonable. You’re just being assertive.”
But you’re not. You’re yelling at your phone for buffering a video. You’re cursing at a traffic light like it personally insulted your ancestors. You’re a fully grown adult throwing a tantrum over a delayed coffee order.
And the most ridiculous part? Anger is self-destructive. It’s like being handed a hammer and deciding the best way to fix your problems is to hit yourself with it—repeatedly.
We’ve all been there, caught in the spiral of frustration, looking back and wondering, Why do I always seem like an extra in a Martin Scorsese movie?
So how do we break free? Who can show us the way?
Let’s turn to Seneca, the ancient Roman philosopher. His life was filled with enough reasons to be angry—exiled by Emperor Claudius on false accusations, later forced to mentor the erratic and downright homicidal Emperor Nero. If anyone had a right to be perpetually enraged, it was him.
But he wasn’t. Instead, he wrote about how to master anger, leaving us timeless wisdom we can apply today.
1. Expect Challenges and Drop the Entitlement
A huge part of anger stems from unrealistic expectations. You expect your day to go smoothly, people to be considerate, technology to work perfectly. And then, when reality falls short, frustration boils over.
Traffic jams. Long lines. Internet outages. Someone using “per my last email” like they’re declaring war. These things happen. They will happen.
Yet, we walk around expecting the world to cater to us. We feel entitled to an easy, frustration-free life. And when something disrupts that illusion, we lose it.
But what if you flipped the script? What if you woke up expecting delays, setbacks, and occasional stupidity? Suddenly, when things do go smoothly, it feels like a gift rather than a given.
Seneca put it simply: “You should assume that there are many things ahead you will have to suffer.” Not in a pessimistic way, but in a realistic way. If you assume difficulties are normal, they stop being anger-inducing shocks.
The world doesn’t owe you smooth sailing. Accepting this makes life—and your emotions—a lot easier to manage.
2. Zoom Out and Broaden Your Perspective
Perspective is a powerful thing. In the heat of anger, everything feels monumental. Your Wi-Fi is slow? This is an outrage! Someone cut you off in traffic? Time to deliver justice!
But zoom out. Pretend you’re explaining your problem to someone from the 1800s:
“Oh no, I can’t stream my favorite show instantly through an invisible network of data beams. Woe is me.”
Meanwhile, they’re thinking, I just spent 16 hours churning butter and burying my sixth child from typhoid, but sure, let’s talk more about your buffering issues.
Most of what angers us isn’t actually important in the grand scheme of things. Seneca said, “Your anger is a kind of madness because you set a high price on worthless things.”
Ask yourself: Will this matter tomorrow? In a week? In a year? If the answer is no, then why waste your energy?
And for the truly frustrating moments, try to see the comedy in them. Seneca recounted how Socrates was once hit over the head and simply remarked, “It’s annoying how one doesn’t know when to go out wearing a helmet.”
Instead of fuming, he laughed it off. You can do the same.
3. Delay the Reaction
Anger feels good in the moment. That rush of righteousness, the adrenaline—it’s intoxicating. But it’s also destructive.
Seneca warned, “It’s easier to shut out harmful things than to govern them, easier to deny them entry than to moderate them once they have entered.”
Once anger takes hold, it’s hard to stop. So the trick is to delay it before it takes over.
The next time you feel yourself about to explode, don’t suppress it—postpone it. Tell yourself, I’ll be mad later. Just wait five minutes. Then ten.
Chances are, by the time your self-imposed delay is up, the anger has lost its momentum. And if you still want to rant, go ahead—but now it’s a choice, not a reflex.
4. Recognize Yourself in Others
People can be infuriating. They’re selfish, careless, rude. They cut in line. They ghost you. They chew loudly. They type in all caps.
But here’s the uncomfortable truth: So do you.
Seneca advised, “I’ve done this myself also.”
Before you unleash your fury on someone, ask yourself: Have I ever done something similar?
The answer is almost always yes. Maybe in a different way, but the same principle applies. You’ve cut someone off in traffic. You’ve been inconsiderate. You’ve had a bad day and snapped at the wrong person.
Recognizing this makes you more patient, more forgiving. It helps you shrug off annoyances rather than turning them into battles.
At the end of the day, we’re all just flawed people trying our best. The more we extend leniency to others, the more we receive it ourselves.
5. Channel the Energy into Something Constructive
Here’s the bonus point that the ancients practiced but we often forget: anger is energy. You can let it burn destructively, or you can redirect it into something meaningful.
Some of history’s greatest works—books, speeches, revolutions—were fueled by frustration. The key is in how that energy is used.
Instead of ranting or stewing in anger, do something productive. Write. Create. Exercise. Solve a problem. Even using anger as motivation to improve yourself can turn a negative into a positive.
Seneca himself did this—when exiled, instead of raging, he wrote. His frustration became wisdom that has lasted for centuries.
Next time you’re mad, ask yourself: How can I use this energy to build something instead of breaking something?
Final Thoughts: Winning the Game by Not Playing
Anger is a game—and the only way to win is to not play.
- Expect challenges. Life isn’t designed for your convenience.
- Zoom out. Most things aren’t worth your rage.
- Delay. Let the moment pass before acting.
- See yourself in others. You’ve been that person too.
- Channel anger into action. Build, don’t destroy.
Seneca put it best: “There is no proof of greatness so sure as when nothing that can occur can provoke you.”
The world is filled with frustration. But you don’t have to be.
Choose patience. Choose perspective. And when faced with the absurdities of life…
Take a deep breath, smile, and move on.