Trust is humanity’s favorite balancing act. It’s what keeps our relationships strong and our communities thriving—but it’s also risky.
Think about it: why do most people quit their jobs? Because they don’t trust their employer. And what’s the top quality we value in a friend? Trustworthiness. Yet, a 2021 poll found that 18% of Americans have just one or zero people they trust for personal support.
We all need trust to feel safe and supported, but how do we know who we can trust? Better yet, how can we become more trustworthy ourselves?
Using insights from trust experts Dr. Peter H. Kim and David DeSteno, let’s explore 6 ways to evaluate and build trust.
1. Competence and Integrity
Trustworthy people share two key qualities:
- Competence: They know what they’re doing.
- Integrity: They’re honest and dependable.
We judge competence quickly, often based on one success, and we tend to forgive occasional mistakes. Integrity, however, is far more fragile—one dishonest act can shatter trust permanently.
Here’s the tricky part: we make these judgments within 100 milliseconds of meeting someone. And while our gut instincts are often right, they’re also swayed by factors like appearance, shared traits, or even whether someone blushes.
To build trust, focus on showing both competence and integrity consistently over time.
2. Evaluate Current Motives, Not Just Reputation
Reputations are unreliable, especially when stakes are high. A person who seemed trustworthy in the past might behave differently when bigger rewards or risks are involved.
Instead of asking, “Is this person trustworthy?” ask, “Are they trustworthy right now?” Assess their current motives and incentives rather than relying on their history.
3. Encourage Trust Through Incentives
People are more likely to act honestly when long-term rewards outweigh short-term gains. For example:
- In negotiations, trust grows when future deals depend on current behavior.
- In relationships, creating a sense of shared future goals can discourage dishonesty.
Set up systems that make good behavior the most appealing option.
4. Extend Trust Early
Starting relationships with trust can create a positive feedback loop. Research shows that people who feel trusted are more likely to act in trustworthy ways.
Conversely, expecting others to betray you can backfire, making them less cooperative. Taking the leap to trust someone first often encourages them to meet your expectations.
5. Demonstrate Trustworthy Traits
If you want others to trust you, here’s what you need to show:
- Self-Control: Stay composed and disciplined; it signals reliability.
- Discretion: Keep confidences. Nobody trusts a gossip.
- Consistency: Do what you say you’ll do.
- Clear Boundaries: Communicate expectations and hold to them.
- Honesty: Admit when you don’t know something—it shows integrity.
These traits not only make you more trustworthy but also help you spot trustworthiness in others.
6. Apologize Sincerely and Appropriately
Mistakes happen, but a good apology can rebuild trust—if done right. Include these elements:
- Express regret.
- Explain what happened.
- Take responsibility.
- Promise to improve.
- Offer to fix the damage.
- Ask for forgiveness.
Most importantly, be sincere. Without sincerity, even the most thorough apology won’t matter.
For integrity-based mistakes, actions speak louder than apologies. Demonstrating change is far more effective than saying “sorry.”
Why Trust Is Worth the Risk
Despite its challenges, trust is worth it. Studies show that people who trust more are happier, healthier, and better at spotting lies.
In relationships, having a positive view of loved ones—even slightly idealized—helps us overlook minor faults. Think of it as personality “rose-colored glasses.”
Ultimately, trust is what binds us. It’s the foundation for midnight conversations, shared laughter, and the comfort of knowing someone has your back.
Yes, trusting others involves risk. But it’s a risk worth taking for the connection and support it brings to our lives.
So go ahead—take that leap of faith. Trust someone.
Summary: 6 Ways to Build and Evaluate Trust
- Competence and Integrity: Look for both qualities in others and demonstrate them yourself.
- Evaluate Motives, Not Just Reputation: Focus on the present, not the past.
- Encourage Trust Through Incentives: Set up systems that reward honesty.
- Extend Trust Early: Trust first to encourage cooperation.
- Demonstrate Trustworthy Traits: Show self-control, discretion, consistency, and honesty.
- Apologize Sincerely: Own up to mistakes and show genuine remorse.
Trust me—these strategies can transform how you connect with others and build stronger, more meaningful relationships.